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How to Choose a Lover

By Lisa Vallejos on Friday July 15th, 2016

Finding a Soulful Connection with a Lover

By lover, I don’t mean merely an intimate partner or a sexual dalliance.

By lover, I mean a person who ravishes your entire being—mind, body, heart and soul.

By lover, I mean the person who takes your breath away and breathes life into your dreams. By lover, I mean the person whose body fits yours like a glove and in whose eyes you see eternity. By lover, I mean the person who captures your attention and captivates your being.

You see, it is easy to choose a physical lover — There’s an app for that. You can swipe your way to a booked social calendar and still live with an empty heart. Many view the quest for love as a numbers game…the more exposures you have to potential partners, the better your chances. While I see the rationale behind that, I believe that is far too simple.

By lover, I mean the person who captures your attention and captivates your being.By lover, I mean the person who captures your attention and captivates your being.

To choose a lover is not a numbers game. It is birthed from a deep and raw place within the soul—a place where many of us rarely explore within ourselves and don’t really know. That is why we choose our lovers based on surface characteristics and miss the soulful connection our hearts are craving.

To choose a lover who is soul food is a process that first requires one to go within and explore the deepest parts of oneself. One must discover who they were before life told them who they should be. One must shine a light into the darkness, knowing that facing the demons that reside there is vital to self-discovery. One must be willing to touch the places that ache, the longing within and the call of the heart. One must be willing to be undone, to feel lost and to let go—of projections, expectations and all the things you think love should be.

One must discover who they were before life told them who they should be. One must discover who they were before life told them who they should be.

Choosing this type of soulful lover is not like going to a buffet where you try a little of this and that until you find what pleases your palate and satiates your hunger. You will only find the soulful lover you seek when you have been willing to go through your own soulful process of discovery.


You see, the soulful lover is not likely to be found on the buffet line. The soulful lover is like the best diamonds that are kept in the jewelry store—kept in the back, in the safe where only the most serious of buyers gain access. The soulful lover is a hidden treasure that can be accessed only by those with the eyes to see beneath the surface and go deep into the soul.

The soulful lover is like the best diamonds that are kept in the jewelry store—kept in the back.The soulful lover is like the best diamonds that are kept in the jewelry store—kept in the back.

To choose a lover, you must first choose yourself.

You choose to allow the destruction of enlightenment to have its way with your life. You choose to remain steadfast in your commitment to your highest good. You choose to retain the hope and belief in the divinity of the universe that will bring everything you need to you at the exact right time.

You do not run around, chasing love. You sit back and become love. You spread love wherever you go in whatever you do. You let love be your guide, your roadmap and your true north. Love begets love and what you give out is what you get back.

To choose a lover, you must know what you are seeking and trust that as Rumi stated, “what you seek is seeking you.” When you are deeply living from a place of authentic truth, you will find those who are doing the same. From that space, you will no longer be standing in a buffet line, tasting the options but will be following your bliss to the place you most desire and filling your plate with that which fulfills, sustains and enriches your being.

Feature Image: Irina Karkabi

How do you feel about this article? Join the conversation.

 

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Linto V
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Linto V

Wow great post!!

Cheryl
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Cheryl

Wonderful food for thought!

Debra Martin
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Debra Martin

This comes at a perfect time for me…. this is what I seek. Thank you for putting into words what my heart has been trying to figure out!

Sumi
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Sumi

Beautifully written.

toughtony11
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toughtony11

I read this as I listened to the Beatles “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” and it moved me in dramatic fashion.

Mike G
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Mike G

The ‘heart’ of the article is in the right place. However suggesting that a person, who achieves such an ideal state, will magically find their lover is not reality.

You still have to engage with others, regardless of the means of achieving that engagement. Disparaging dating apps assumes that everyone using one to engage is not worthy of consideration.

Babs
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Babs

Ha! This is so right. You never know own who you might reach out to!

disqus_2JoCr7ZqFH
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disqus_2JoCr7ZqFH

Even though the article states that “you do not run around, chasing love. You sit back and become love”, it does it in the context of, as said right after, that you are an active person that “… spreads love wherever you go in whatever you do”. Using dating apps demands endless hours of filtering work, while by doing what you love, you will be in places and in times that same kind of people will frequent. It could seem that one attracts one’s kind but, in my opinion, nobody attracts nobody else: we just happen to meet in the… Read more »

Robert Allen
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Robert Allen

…to MikeG…what you focus on…you get…

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